The Gift Among Heartache {Lesson #1}

My Gift Among Heartache

God has been asking me to talk you about the hard stuff in the waiting period for your Mr. Wonderful. He wants me to share the lessons I have learned during my journey towards Mr. Wonderful.  And to be perfectly honest – I have been dragging my feet. Hence the reason it’s the third week in January and I’m just now writing my first post.

Delay obedience is still disobedience. YIKES! I seek to be a child after God’s own heart so I will share about some of the yucky stuff to encourage others to HANG IN THERE. But I ask in return that you be gentle with me. This is much harder than it seems.

Here we go……

I love that God created me to be a gift giver. It’s super duper fun to put a lot of thought into a gift. Small details always makes someone feel extra special. I listen for ways to make you feel loved and cherished. I will follow the promptings of the Holy Spirit when I see something screaming your name and I will buy it for you JUST CAUSE it is perfect for you.

That’s who I am at the core of my being. Most of the time when I give gifts it is received with a warm smile and a thank you. Yet on this particular day, it was the complete opposite.

One afternoon while I was surfing Instagram I saw the perfect artwork for Mr. Darcy (his name has been changed to protect the innocent and my pride – LOL). Anyway I ordered the print, scouted out the perfect frame, and was ready to deliver the gift.  I sent Mr. Darcy a text message to inform him that I was going to drop of the gift God had placed on my heart to give him. Told him I would leave it on the porch.

I put my phone down and continued to assemble the package. I wrote out a note of encouragement and explained that the artwork was a stone of remembrance for the milestone that just occurred in his life. I made sure the box was secured so the artwork would not get damaged and sealed up the box with the letter.

Then I heard the notification on my phone from Mr. Darcy. I was expecting to see the words “Thank you” but I saw “We need to talk about your gift giving, it’s starting to make me feel uncomfortable.”

Stunned.

Shocked.

Hurt.

Rejected.

My prideful side wanted to ZING Mr. Darcy with my words. I wanted to open up the sealed package and take out the note. I wanted to write back and say “Never mind I will just keep the gift”

But the Holy Spirit reminded me that this gift was never about me it was a gift for Mr. Darcy from God. I needed to finish what I started. UGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGH!

With every ounce of courage I could muster up, I sent back a replied stating that I didn’t mean to make him feel uncomfortable. I explained to him that I was just being obedient to what I felt God asked me to do. Explained to him that there was no need for a conversation that I would respect his wishes and this would be the last gift I would give him.

Almost on the verge of an ugly cry at that moment I knew I needed to hurry up and leave otherwise I would chicken out. Thirty seconds after dropping off the gift and being brave I was sobbing an ugly cry and crying out to God. I needed His presence to fill my car. I needed the Holy Spirit to give me peace. I needed to know that I was loved and not rejected.

One thought kept haunting me – who I was – A GIVER – made him feel uncomfortable. I made him uncomfortable when I showed the love of Christ. I kept saying God I don’t understand why I had to do that but not my will but yours be done.

I started to listen to Hallelujuah. I needed to keep my eyes on Jesus at that moment of heartache. I didn’t want to become bitter. I didn’t want to walk away from friendship with Mr. Darcy. I didn’t want to put up walls that Mr. Wonderful would need to climb later because of this moment in time when I was rejected by Mr. Darcy.

So I did the only thing I could, I sang praises out to God. I listened to Hallelujah on repeat especially this part of the song:

I did my best, it wasn’t much
I couldn’t feel, so I tried to touch
I’ve told the truth, I didn’t come to fool you
And even though it all went wrong
I’ll stand before the Lord of Song
With nothing on my tongue but Hallelujah

Rejection is hard even when it’s from a friend. But don’t allow it to make you bitter. Forgive the person and trust that God will work it all out for your good.

By the way- Mr. Darcy and I are still friends and God made me give him another gift 4 months later – LOL.

Let’s pray –

Heavenly Father-

Thank you for your love and giving us courage to do the brave things. Thank you that on those hard days you are with us. God please give us the strength to forgive and to not harden our hearts. Please continue to make our hearts of flesh and not  of stone. We love you and trust you with our love story.

In Jesus Name – AMEN

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